School Success Secrets: Grades K-5

Elementary school is about building the foundation for how your child will learn and relate to school for years to come. These early years are your chance to set the stage for independence once they hit middle school. To do this you will gradually give your child more ownership of their school experience, while you stay right by their side, cheering them on.

The best way to approach your child's school career is to do it together. You want to be on the same team. When school becomes me vs. you, power struggles can creep in. Homework battles, meltdowns over grades, or resistance to routines can all be signs that the balance of ownership needs to shift. So instead of control, aim for connection.

This means:

• Letting go of some control so school truly becomes theirs

• Approaching challenges with curiosity, not criticism

• Supporting from the sidelines instead of playing in the game.

When you do this, you send a powerful message: “I trust you, and I’m here to help you figure it out.”

How will you know it's time to pull back? Sometimes, our best intentions to “help” can actually make things harder. If you notice signs like these, it may be time to step back a little:

• You’re feeling resentful, drained, or frustrated

• You’re seeing power struggles or defiance

• You’re overdoing and your child is avoiding or shutting down

These are clues that it’s time to release more ownership to your child and shift back into your most powerful role- the supportive parent on the sidelines.

Three Strategies to Give Ownership and Support on the Side

1. Use Questions to Build Responsibility

Instead of directing or reminding, start asking questions that help your child think for themselves:

• “When or where do you want to do your homework?”

• “What’s your plan for tonight?”

• “What will happen if you don’t get it done?”

• “Are you okay with that consequence?”

• “How are you feeling about your grades?”

• “Do you need my help with anything?”

These questions spark reflection, planning, and accountability, all essential school (and life!) skills.

2. Promote Growth, Not Perfection

Remember: your child is learning how to be a student. Mistakes, ups, and downs are part of the process.

Encourage growth by:

• Talking about goals- what do they want from school?

• Helping them notice progress, not just results

• Normalizing failure as an important part of learning

Your child doesn’t need to be perfect. They need to be curious, resilient, and encouraged.

3. Be a Cheerleader

Every child needs a fan in their corner. When you stay positive and supportive—even when things get tough—your child learns that effort matters more than perfection.

• Show interest in their schoolwork and take their effort seriously

• Attend school events, celebrate progress, and show up with enthusiasm

• Use affirmations like:

  • “You’ve got this. I’m here for you.”

  • “Wow, you did that! You must feel so proud.”

  • “Mistakes are part of learning; we’ll figure it out together.”

    
    

When you celebrate effort, not just outcomes, you teach your child to value learning itself.

Your Relationship Comes First

It’s easy to let grades, homework, or behavior overshadow what matters most—but your relationship is the key to long-term success. When kids feel safe, supported, and connected, they naturally want to do their best. So if school stress is starting to drive a wedge between you, take a breath and remind yourself, “My child’s relationship with me is more important than their report card.” You can always recover from a missed assignment, but rebuilding trust and closeness takes longer.

Elementary school is the perfect time to lay the groundwork for independence, self-motivation, and confidence. By giving your child ownership and staying supportive on the side, you teach them that they’re capable, trusted, and never alone. School success isn’t about doing everything right—it’s about helping your child learn how to take the lead, bounce back, and believe in themselves.